Life at the hospital was so nice but on September 10th, 2015 at around 8:00 P.M., we were discharged from the hospital and were driving home as a family of three for the first time. I sat in the back seat with my son and during the whole ride home I had a huge knot growing inside of my stomach from stress. 

I cried the whole way home because I was so scared. I was scared of my husband returning back to work and me being home alone with my newborn son. I was scared that if something were to happen that I would not know what to do. Every worry I had came crashing down at once and I began to wonder if I could handle the pressure. 

I wish someone would had been there to explain to me that the feeling I had was completely normal. I was a brand new mother. I started out as a girl who never changed a dirty diaper before and here I was bringing home a tiny life that was my responsibility. I would be crazy not to have a small freak out. Of course after my husband calmed me down, I started to feel better but it can get very overwhelming. It's a huge lifestyle change. 

Our first night was not as bad as I thought it would be. Kambryn woke up every hour to an hour and a half. Once he woke up, he stayed awake for an hour or two. I had a hard time breastfeeding him at first so I made sure to pump every 2 hours. Be prepared for no or very little sleep those first few weeks. 

Let me tell you this, you will be amazed at how much you can accomplish with no sleep. I had more energy than my husband and he actually got to sleep since I got up with my son during the night. I don't know if it is because of the new mother instinct I acquired after giving birth but I would get maybe 5 hours of sleep at the most and still be able to stay up through out the rest of the day. It's truly amazing what you can do as a new mother. If only the dad's could do that was well. My husband stayed very tired. 

It helps to have some help around the house, exspecially during that first week. Do. Not. Work. Yourself. To. Much!! You need to rest and if you are like me, you don't know what rest even means. I had just had a baby 4 days ago and I was trying to do laundry, dishes, pick up and take out the trash. Yes you can say it, I was crazy. What was I thinking? 

My mother-in-law was sweet enough to spend a week with us and help me out and I am forever greatful for her taking the time to help us. The only downfall was that I felt as if I was a prisoner because she forced me to sit on the couch. I was not allowed to do anything and it drove me crazy. Looking back I wish I would had listened and relaxed and enjoyed the help while I had it. It defiantly was a life savor that first week. If someone offers you help, take it! You need and deserve it mama! 

After a day or two I started to feel more comfortable with taking care of my son. It is true that a woman's motherly instincts kick in and take over. I went from being scared and not knowing how to bend a baby's arms into an outfit, to twisting my son in different positions comfortably. I became a pro before I knew it and it felt good. It helped me to build confidence.

At the end of the first week I noticed the lack of sleep was starting to get to me. I would not nap during the day and would only get 4-5 hours of broken up sleep a night. My son would only sleep in his bouncy chair so I had him set up in the chair and placed it right next to the bed. One morning I woke up, fed Kambryn, pumped my breast milk, and when I stood up out of bed my whole body started to shake. I wasn't making any sense when I talked and I felt awful. 

It was scary feeling that way and it was because of the lack of sleep and calorie intake after nursing and pumping. It is so important to take care of those needs as a new mom. I finally agreed to take a much needed nap after that. I was so thankful my husband watched our son for me so that a nap could happen for me. 

For the first month my routine was set:

Get up, feed Kambryn, Pump, eat breakfast, feed Kambryn, do some chorses, feed Kambryn, pump, cuddle my son while watching some tv, feed Kambryn, pump, eat lunch, ..... You get the picture. Kambryn ate, slept, and needed diaper changes. It was a never ending cycle and it was very tiring. 

On top of trying to stick to a schedule, we had so many visitors that first month. I loved having company and help with my newborn son but I was so tired. I felt like a bad friend/family member because I was too exhausted to even hold a conversation. Looking back, I should of taken the offers for a nap but I wanted to visit instead. 

One of the toughest things to deal with as a mom to a baby boy is taking care of a  circumcision (if a mother decides to choose that). I felt so bad for him because it looked pitiful but he acted as if he had no pain from it thankfully. I was so scared to hurt him and that was the worst part. We would have to clean him and then take a gaze and place a ton of Vaseline or A&D ointment onto it and place it on top of the area before closing the diaper. I was counting down the days until it would heal completely.